By Al-Amin Isa
NEPA Is Dead, Long Live NEPA Lite™
When government unbundled PHCN in 2013, they called it privatization. Nigerians called it “same darkness, new owners.” Investors promised to bring efficiency, light, and meters. Ten years later, the only thing they’ve delivered is darkness deluxe — now with customer care you can never reach.
DISCO Fever: Pay First, Light Later
The grand plan was simple: DISCOs got 60%, government kept 40%, and Nigerians got permanent migraine. Investors signed contracts to cut losses, invest in meters, and treat customers like VIPs.
Fast forward a decade:
• Losses? Higher than the number of politicians at a jamboree.
• Meters? Still “coming soon” like Nollywood part two.
• Transformers? Collapse faster than Super Eagles in penalty shootouts.
• Customer care? You’ll die of old age before they pick your call.
Bailout Boys: ₦2 Trillion and Counting
Private business? Please. Every year DISCOs beg the Federal Government for “pocket money.” Over ₦2 trillion has already been dashed out to keep them alive. Imagine running a business where your business plan is just “collect bailout, repeat.” Even Yahoo Boys are more innovative.
Megawatt Mirage: 10 Years, Same Darkness
Nigeria still dances around 4,000–5,000 MW. South Africa is doing 40,000, Brazil chilling at 170,000, and us? We are the undisputed heavyweight champions of generator noise. Our true national anthem is “brrr-brrr-brrr” from the nearest I-better-pass-my-neighbour.
Candle Power: The Only Reliable Grid in Nigeria
Privatization promised light. What we got was “bill without bulb.” DISCOs are quick to disconnect you if you owe ₦1, but can leave you in blackout for weeks without shame. Meanwhile, candle sellers, generator mechanics, and fuel station attendants are the true heroes of the power sector. National awards pending.
Stand-Up Sign-Off (For Those Still Awake Without Light)
So here’s the joke: Nigeria privatized electricity and ended up privatizing darkness. Our regulators, instead of fighting for the people, are busy dancing Shaku-Shaku with the DISCOs.
And the common man? He’s left naked — armed only with torchlight apps and rechargeable lamps.
But don’t worry. Darkness is now part of our national identity. In fact, it’s the one thing Nigeria produces consistently, without interruption. Truly, we are a powerhouse — of blackouts.
